A Candid Confession!!!

-->

I know, people after reading this post of mine, will come up with a lot of counsels asking me not to explicitly display my personal feelings on a public forum. But I always do what I believe in & my conviction says me not to entertain those promptings, which defy my own interests. So, here goes my most provocative & sensitive post, as this is innocently intimate & downright candid.

We met unconcernedly & fell in love at the first sight. Love truly did not give me a chance. I always believed I was not a kind of guy who would fall in love. My priority had always been my studies- getting a 90% every time, Cricket – making it to the big league some day. I am not exactly sure whether we knew the meaning of “love” back then, but it kind of felt good talking with each other, passing on those understated glances, appreciating each other’s half-smiles & may be by just being with each other gave us heavenly bliss. We could do away with anything; but not a single day went by without us seeing each other. College days were golden; in case of no classes (owing to holidays & all) a small bike ride to her place while she noticed me from her rooftop made our days worth it. We were not madly in love. We were not unreasoned. We were not impetuous. We always knew, what we were doing & stood by it. We felt nothing could do us apart, but something did & that something is “distance”.

We stayed in the same city for quite a few years & then my career aspirations took me to the city of dreams. She stayed back. This distance could achieve something which none of the cruelly precarious mix-ups could. I could notice the changes in her, but never really supervised. My biggest mistake, that was.

City of dreams got me a pretty rewarding job & I thought I must give it a go. What I failed to comprehend during all this time was, even her aspirations got distorted. She had, like everyone else, a number of career plans to choose from but she chose the one which entitled her to stay away from family, old friends, acquaintances so that she could “enjoy” her life.

It was the year 2010 when she packed her bag & baggage & moved to the city of Nizams. It did not take her long to completely unleash her inner unexplored instincts. Suddenly, staying out with strangers at some pub till late hours was not an issue for a girl who used to be scratchy after 7/ 8 in the evening. Late night phone calls with random guys suddenly seemed reasonable to wipe out her boredom.

Meanwhile, I quit from my corporate job to pursue my inherent childhood dream of becoming a police officer after consulting with her repeatedly so that we did not get into any kind of perplexity at a later stage.

I had no issues with her abrupt change in conduct & curiosities as I thought every activity enjoys accommodation in a certain part of your life. What I did not notice was the intensity & promptness at which she was evolving. But the actual shocker struck; when she said it. She actually said it. “I don’t want you in my life anymore.” I could somehow gather my nous to ask for a reason & what she came up with as reasons truly acted the last nail in the coffin.

She did not want to stay with me, as I had no job, I did not know what I was doing with my career & life, she had better looking guys around to flirt with, she deserved better.

Let me tell you genuinely, as a civil service aspirant, till a few days back, I was an enthusiastic supporter of women rights. Now, I doubt, when we talk about women rights, are we really talking about women or some thick, greedy, offhand freaks. I must tell, I have lost that soft corner in my heart for them. I am sure its nothing to do with the gender. It’s about the individual. I just did not know girls could be so ruthless.

I wish you a good life, a pleasant married life & a successful career. I hope, you do justice with the person, you ultimately stay with. Through this post, I just want to convey one thing, I am happy with the decision, I ‘ve made. Even if I don’t get through the services, the preparation is as such too enriching that I would cherish this phase of mine for the rest of my life. Thank you for showing me the real “you”. Thank you for making my life a hell, so that when I get out of this phase, life will be a lot more gratifying.