I still love you

For the first time ever, my gtalk status message was getting all the attention & I kept getting pings from one & all demanding enlightenment. Rather than copying & pasting the same stuff every time I thought, I would better use my blog for that.

The story starts way back in 1997 when I was proposed by a girl. It was the day when I realized girls are emotional fools, the day when I realized they are no better than useless trash, the day when I realized there was only one person from the opposite gender that you should care for (your mom), the day when I realized how lucky I was to be born as a boy.

Much later I saw this girl in my chemistry class. Sweet, simple, classy, stylish yet a bit complicated like some mystery. I was so flabbergasted to see such a beauty. She was the girl who made me realize how wrong I was, the girl who made me realize how damned I was to be born as a boy.

I thought I was so lucky to have her. I thought she would love & care for me forever. I thought she would help me dream of what I want from life. I thought she would be my dreams & my life.

I thought you loved me for what I am. I thought I could be “I” when I am with you. I thought it was about our dreams. I thought we together would do everything. But honestly now I feel like you are pulling the wool over my eyes. I am no longer confident. I am no longer motivated. I am no longer inspired. I am no longer happy. I am no longer myself.

All these things hurt me a lot. But I still trust you. You break my heart every single time but I join the broken pieces together & try to be happy once again. I am still trying to find the love & warmth that i used to see in your eyes. I am still trying to find the hope. I am still trying to find out the reason to live. See my heart still beats for you & it will forever.